The Constant Craver

Where do I even start? I guess...wow! Where have I been. On my drive home today... I...as I often do, was conversing with myself (in my head)... that's normal right?...when I had the sudden urge to blog. I thought...I love reading and writing. I said it and chuckled thinking I'm so basic! That right there, so simple, yet such an amazing feeling. In order to understand, I'm going to have to do something I normally don't... I'll have to open up. On my best days I'm very private...on my worse...it's impossible to get passed my RBF. For the better part of the last 5 years I've struggled with severe depression. I've been a shadow of my former self. Internally battling to present as normal and happy while wanting nothing more than to roll up into a ball and never leave my house again. I've felt alone, overwhelmingly sad, disgusted, ashamed, angry, indifferent. I've tried Lexapro, Trazadone, Zoloft and Wellbutrin in different doses and combi...

Empty Bobbin ✔ Appropriate thread color ✔ Patience ❌ Threading your sewing machine is, obviously, the first step you take in getting your sewing machine ready. That unfortunately is not true. The first step is threading the bobbin...something that should be very easy. The machine practically does all the work for you.  Why oh why, then, is this the most grueling part of getting my sew on? From the moment I placed my hands on this machine, the bobbin and I seem to have become mortal enemies. I have read the instructions, watched video tutorials and attempted to thread the darn thing over and over and over. The bobbin refuses to cooperate, instead tangling itself with the thread, being the perfect bobbin for seconds at a time, and somehow...someway...getting the thread to wind itself directly above or below the intended target area. It took me practically the entire day to do something that should've been an hour project at best. I will master you one day Singer One Plus! That da...

Have you ever imagined something. Have you done that thing you imagined? Have you achieved it successfully? Have you tried to replicate your success, only to be greeted by failure? That was my day. One of the reasons I'm making little man's party decor and favors is because PBS doesn't really make anything birthday related. They offer printouts and ideas...there are plates and napkins available as well....but that's pretty much it. Remember when I said I'm a creative dreamer? My idea was to create a coloring/activity book. That part actually came together quite easily. The binding part...the dreamer was alive an kicking. Why not bind the book? A few google images suggested that people make journals and such out of old jeans and use their sewing machines to bind it together. I have a sewing machine. I have cardstock. I have paper. Let's  give it a whirl! Success! Let's use the real deal! Failure! Like a dagger straight through my h...

Ahhh...the joys of sleeping in...or not. I've always been a night owl. My kiddo also inherited my night owl ways. When I was between 7 and 9 months pregnant I would regularly freak out when little man did not kick or move. :::A constant fear of mine was something would go terribly wrong and I  wouldn't know  until it was too late. I think alot of pregnant women experience these fears...the fear of helplessness,  being unable to detect that your baby is in distress etc.::: My little munchkin definitely gave me a run for my money on more than one occasion. He would randomly move in the morning, but then sleep most of the day and evening. His prime hours of movement were 11PM-1AM...even though I knew this, I still had mini heart attacks whenever he was still for more than two hours.  I would drink ice cold water (even though it caused massive heartburn), lay on my side, poke my belly...and my last resort at one point was to play ASAP Rocky ..F'N Problems...he was al...

Another late night for this momma and her crazy crafting ways. If you have a toddler, you know it is utterly impossible to get anything accomplished with them around. My little guy is a gabby sally. From the moment he opens his little brown eyes, until the moment they close, he is busy demanding, speaking  words mixed gibberish or exercising his vocal octaves. Have you ever heard an almost two year old repeatedly say Mommy until you can no longer ignore your newly assigned name?  At first...it's precious. It's the thing you've waited for since the moment you found out you were growing a little human. Eventually you run in the opposite direction when a 3 foot munchkin is chasing you around with a dead "ipap" or a remote control to watch "Baymax"/"Botbots" (Big Hero 6) for 3rd time in a row. Anyway...so the best time for me to get this crazy project done is when he is sound asleep and I've had a few hours to myself to decompress. That means...

Birthdays hold a special place in my heart. Anyone who knows me knows this to be true. It means you've survived another year of life. You've had ups...you've had downs...but here you are facing another year. Time to appreciate and enjoy lifes little joys. Well...that's typically what it means to an adult. As a child...my birthday was (still is last I checked) in December. Anyone with the fortune of being born anywhere near Christmas can probably relate....I never had a fancy Birthday party...ever. Now, don't  get me wrong, I got a cake and got presents from my parents but that was it. I never had a cute my little pony party. I never got to pick out my favorite candies to fill a Piñata. I never had a Menudo Birthday bash (I'm staring at you sister). It's not because I didn't have any friends...but knowing my mother, she probably didn't want to burden anyone around Christmas time with another party to attend...another gift to purchase so on and so fo...

So...5 years. It would seem that I did some hard time in prison...went off on an around the world adventure...had a baby? The last part is true, but there have been soo many other things that took up the majority of my time. Buying a house. A long...at times brutal commute to work. 3 hour  traffic jams...been there, done that. 8 months pregnant...haboob followed by torrential downpours with wind gusts and flooding and still an hour away from home, yep...been there. Things that make you lose sight of the little things in life that bring joy to your heart, that's what has taken up the first half of the last 5 years. The second half has been the most beautifully humbling, heart racing and impactful time of my life. I became a mother to the most amazingly handsome, intelligent, loving little guy on the planet...now I admit...I may be a little biased, but what mother isn't?  I can't say it's been all rainbows and butterflies...there have been many trials and tribulation...

It's been almost 4 months since my last entry. I have been lost! Lost without my Constant Craver-ness!! Let me explain why. As part of reevaluating where I am and where I want to be, I decided that I needed to change the way I eat, and how I approach food in general. I know you have all heard the saying, you need to eat to live, not live to eat, I know it sounds cliche, but it is soo true. You don't realize the stuff you are putting in your body by eating high fat, high sugar, highly processed foods. I personally did a 4 day detox, and cut out soda from my diet and was able to lose 12 pounds in 2 weeks!! 12 pounds in 2 weeks!! I feel like I sound like an infomercial, but seriously, I'd forgotten what it was like to enjoy all natural, healthy foods that actually taste good. As this is still sort of new, I am still working through what I like, what I don't like, and how I can take the foods that I love, and make them healthy.

This past weekend I was the ultimate procrastinator in getting my Christmas treats and coquito done for the holiday season! I remember celebrating solstice and making happy brew and loads of cookies.....I mean, I think I gave everyone in my family a LARGE tray of cookies that could feed at least 50 people! Those were the wonderful holiday seasons when my Mother and Grandmother were still around, they were Christmas Fanatics! My grandmother would re-decorate the whole house from top to bottom, she even put out Christmas plates, soaps, and pillow cases! My mother always went overboard with the lights, her whole house had twinkling lights (that she managed to keep up for at least 3 months after Christmas) from top to bottom it seemed. My dad on the other hand played the role of scrooge and bah humbugged his way through December only to become a kid at a candy store on Christmas Day! I don't know whose face lit up more when I opened my gifts...his or mine....probably his! Being so far ...

I hate to say it, but I am addict. I am addicted to online food challenges, I don't know why, but I am. It's not like people can actually taste my food, they have to go by what I write and the pictures I post. I'm not a professional writer or Photographer, and unfortunately they are not hobbies of mine either, so why do I subject myself to the torture of having your pictures judged? I guess I am just a masochistic chef, because once again, I have decided to do a challenge. I am not just doing any ol' challenge either, I am doing THE DARING BAKERS CHALLENGE , people from all over the world log on once a month ( you must be a member to participate) and happily accept the challenge that is thrown at them. I guess I couldn't have picked a better time to actually do the Challenge ( i missed last months deadline), than this one. It is one of my FAVORITES. It was of course, Cannoli's. Not only were we making Cannoli's, we were making them from scratch!!! I've e...

Crisp Seasonal Pork Dumplings w/ Kumquat infused Dipping Sauce Don't forget to check out all of the contestants and vote for your favorite!!! Who Won Battle Chestnut and Kumquat? ( poll ) So, it seems that unless I am signed up for a challenge where I must post my entries onto my blog, the poor thing gets ignored, its like the red headed step child of my cooking world :( So this month I am of course doing the Daring Bakers and Daring Cooks challenges, but I also signed up for this one called Foodie Fights , you basically send an email saying that you would like to participate in their upcoming battle and they will send you an email telling you if you have been accepted? or I guess if you signed up in time. They then let you know the ingredients you are going to be using. I had the fortunate luck of being involved in Battle 16 , Kumquats and Chestnuts. What is a Kumquat you ask? any of several trees or shrubs of the genus Fortunella bearing small orange-colored edible fruits with th...